Mariel Hemingway and her disengaged Parents

I recently finished reading a book by Ernest Hemingway and I kinda wanted to stay in the family for a little longer. I came upon a book by Mariel Hemingway, Ernest’s granddaughter, called Out Came the Sun. It’s the story of her life and family legacy. Sadly, she never met her famous grandfather. He passed a few months before she was born.

In the book, Mariel details much from her upbringing, but a few quotes startled me and demanded my attention. Mariel began her movie career as a 14 year old child in a dark and revenge-filled thriller. And this is what she wrote about it:

“When Lipstick was released…my father took me to New York and we sat and watched the movie…That’s when I realized that my parents had let me be in a movie where I got raped.”

- Hemingway 2015, 84 

In my opinion, that is way off. How could parents agree to allow their not-even-15 year-old little girl to be used that way? To have her imagine things in her mind that shouldn’t be imagined, and traumatizing, certainly her childhood and likely her own mental wellbeing. Mariel goes on to say she didn’t feel violated (but remember, kids are bad interpreters. I wonder what she’d say today) but she did feel shocked, uneasy and fearful (Hemingway 2015, 84).

Let me interpret for a second. I’m 53, not 14.

The way she writes “my parents had let me” I think shows an underlying feeling: A lack of protection. And likely anger because of that lack of protection, connection and involvement on the behalf of her parents. Why do I say this? Allow me to share another quote from her book.

As Mariel began to act in more movies, she received an offer from Woody Allen to accompany him for a private vacation in Paris. Her parents didn’t object. Here’s how she felt about it:

“ I wanted them to put their foot down. They didn’t….I pretended to be happy that they were giving me my independence, but the truth is that I felt abandoned and angry. Weren’t parents supposed to look out for you?…Was is that they didn’t care enough?”

“Once again, I had overestimated my parents’ capacity for being engaged in my life:

‍ ‍Hemingway 2015, 100,101,108

Hemingway is no Christian. She is a New Age spiritist, energy manipulator, and magic-crystal believer. Inside, like all of us, she had an ache to be loved, fussed over, protected, and engaged with by parents who never gave it to her. It made her angry, and likely hurt and traumatized.

There is a deep longing in all of us for connection, to be seen, to be known for who we are. We long for our identity to be validated.

This has nothing to do with a religious system, and everything to do with the Father’s Heart. He made us in His likeness. It’s part of our identity.

Get down on the ground and wrestle with your kids. Sing songs to them at bedtime. When they’re older, show an interest in what they like. Go to their sports events. Introduce them to the adult world by taking them every where you go. Speak God’s truth of goodness and mercy to their hearts. Model self disclosure and authenticity.

There is never a time where you kids won’t need a mother or father.

Stay engaged.

I don’t know if Mariel Hemingway is aware of her scars and what they mean. I don’t know if she’s been able to grieve what never was, but should have been, and I don’t know what her basis for healing would be. But the scars are unmistakable. They are common and understandable.

I so hope she can come to the Father to be healed.

-TF